The Thrill of the Office Crush

It's healthy to have a crush, so don't overthink it. Why not give it a shot if you are really into this person? You can handle the worst that he says, even if it hurts. If he accepts, then, as I said earlier, anything is possible. Good luck and take care of your heart.

I am a tech support person at a small asset-management firm. I am the only support person at my small asset management firm. People come to me for all sorts of random questions. Recently, the C.E.O. I was recently stopped by the C.E.O. He sent me the link for a spyware application he wanted to install on his iPhone without anyone being aware of its presence. Unfortunately, the phone wipe did not work.

I convinced him to go to the Apple Store and activate it, hoping that he would forget about his request. As his child is too young to have a phone, I assume that this is for his spouse. How should I react when he returns to me with the phone? Should I tell him that I'm against it, or should I not install the phone but still say I did? It's obvious that I would lose my job if I refused. He is a small-minded man. Do I have to worry about legal action against me?

Henry, New York City

Your C.E.O. Your C.E.O. Wiretapping is installing spyware on someone else's phone, without their knowledge or consent. Installing spyware on someone's mobile without their consent can lead to a number of crimes in New York. These include tampering private communications, illegally obtaining communication information, and failing to report the wiretap.

This is a bad situation. I'd tell him you can't because installing spyware is illegal. He will have to watch YouTube videos or other tutorials to learn how to spy on someone.

I am a female in a field that is dominated by men. In my field, we often collaborate with academic researchers. One of my colleagues introduced me to an academic researcher who is a professor at a top-tier university. She has the experience and knowledge to help us with a particular research issue. She came up with some unique, interesting and insightful ideas during our meeting.

I'm excited to be working with her, and she is a fantastic collaborator. Recently, I invited some colleagues to join this collaboration. Two of the colleagues said that after the first meeting, they didn't think she was the best collaborator for the project. They had met a male professor (old and white) recently, and felt that she wasn't as curious as an academic. They prefer to work with an established professor.

It is unusual in our field to find a professor of color. The implicit bias in the conversation is obvious. I've continued to show my support in working with her, but I haven't pointed out the implicit bias of their team for fear that it might backfire. What can I do to best support her? Although I enjoy my job, I often face situations such as this where I witness bias against me and others. It can be exhausting. How can I fight on without becoming exhausted?

-- Anonymous

You must continue to show your support for this woman. If relevant, provide evidence to support why she's the right person for this project. You can also point out implicit biases of your co-workers. It's not your problem if they don't want their biases exposed. They are saying that they would prefer to be able to work with "a more established professor" because they feel more comfortable working with someone who is like them. You should point out that they want to be in an echo chamber.